Journal July 6,2002

I hate say it, but life sucks! I guess everyone will in their stage in their life (well at least once in their life time) but why do I have to go through it twice. Well I’m not saying that life can’t suck all the time but…. It just doesn’t seem fair. I hate saying that too. Hmm….how can I put it…if you were someone I knew, I’d tell you that I was okay…. Not great….but okay. Chemotherapy has been the same. It’s been making me nauseous & giving me really bad mouth sores…so eating hasn’t been my thing lately…other than that nothing’s been happening…well I did go to the hospital ….June 12-14. That was a really bad time. At first I tried to fight but realized….she some what right. I don’t listen to my parents (some of the time) so I let that drop. The night after, I started feeling sick. 100.5 ˚ F. But I didn’t want to tell my dad cuz then he would’ve had to drive me at night……& plus I was hoping it’d drop after a while. Next morning, he found out I had a fever & calls Dr. Meyers. I have to go to the hospital…..but I’m glad, cuz I don’t feel right….during my second night my nurse had to give me a blood transfusion……Put me on Benadryl. It gave me the weirdest felling….like I was spinning. I feel asleep…..deep sleep….and then all of a sudden. “Glory wakeup & eat your dinner.” Ha! If I could only move. I’m so drugged I can’t even get up…..can’t even talk! Damn, just let me sleep longer! If not, then help me get up! But neither, rather I hear the sounds of Chinese soap opera! I get snappy….they don’t understand…. Feeling with frustration & anger & confusion. I start crying….tears at first.. but wait…I need to go to the bathroom. Call the nurse…I can’t get up!? More frustration…I need to go the bathroom!...but I was blinded by my own tears & I start shaking uncontrollably….Finally I make it off the bed to a portable toilet seat. Nikki(my nurse) and Dad are holding me up. Mom pull down my pants & underwear. After that the doctor came. And they were all confused & worried.