The 5th day: Hope to Live and the Disappearance of a Dream

German writer Stefan Andres’ children story “井中男孩” described how a father taught his son to learn a lesson of death. The father was planting a tree. Pointing to the pit, he said, “ A tree is like a person. Its roots are buried as in a grave, its trunk is on the ground; it’s crown is in the air….” Today, we are busy doing this, and tomorrow we are busy doing that…. bearing the fruits of heaven. Death is the doorway to another kind of life. Once we are allowed to enter this different life, we cross the threshold. Is Glory really going to cross this threshold into another life beyond?

All young women grow up under the same moon. The moon shines quietly upon her face while she sleeps in her bed, dreaming similar dreams as the rest of the young women….so sweet, so beautiful, so romantic. As the moon retreats, her dream comes to an end. All the young women under the sun have very different experiences. Four days ago, she asked me, “ Daddy, is it at all possible they made a mistake or that they examined someone else’s blood sample instead of mine?”

In the same year when 911 happened, almost around the same time, I prayed for an elderly man who flew to USA from Singapore for a surgery to have his tumor removed. I led him to Christ. According to his son, even the best doctors in Singapore were not confident with this surgery, so his father came to this hospital. He came to Christ, and two weeks after I prayed over him, his tumor was gone, and a surgery was no longer necessary. I had also hoped that after praying for Glory, her cancer cells would disappear and treatment is no longer necessary. Monday, the fifth day after we learned of the reoccurrence of her cancer, I woke her from her dreams. She refused to get off the bed. For the past 20+ years, she has no problem getting up in the morning. But this time she would not want to go to the hospital. I understood her thinking. Starting from today, not only does she have to begin the long haul of chemotherapy, and the suffering of bone marrow transplant, it is not even certain that she would survive it all. Her dreams are totally shattered. I did not want to force her. I laid my hands upon her body as she laid in bed and prayed for her. I did not want her to know the content of my prayer. I was afraid that she would ask, “did God not answer prayers two years ago, and healed me? Even the doctor said my recovery was a miracle… so why now…?” I don’t know. I would not attempt to give a reply on behalf of God. I would rather not let her hear my prayer.

No matter how unwilling, she had to face reality. She got off the bed and we drove to the hospital praised by journals as the best cancer treatment hospital.

We met with the blood cancer department head. Other than answering some concerns Glory had regarding treatment, he confirmed that if Glory did not opt for treatment, she has 3 to at most 6 months to live. The best doctors in the best hospital cannot guarantee her treatment will render the best result. Routine check up, blood test, bone marrow test, spinal tap and immediate application of medication would hopefully keep cancer cells away from her brain. Again, we returned to this hospital that we visited daily eight years ago. Apart from some new equipment, faces of doctors and nurses look familiar. Quite a few nurses came over to chat with her, to hug her, and one of the nurses even mentioned that she thought of Glory a few days back from seeing an old picture of her at home. Little did she know they would run into each other so soon. Something to be happy about? Or to cry about?

After a day’s worth of check-ups, Glory wanted to visit a doctor up on the 12^th floor. She is the boss of Glory’s research lab, a renown doctor specializing in the research of intestinal cancer. For the past several summers, Glory worked under her as an intern. This doctor bent the rules and took Glory in as an intern despite her young age. Glory had a good working relationship with her colleagues. She was always included in all kinds of parties. After her internship, they would take her out for a Japanese meal. In their published papers, they included Glory’s name. The doctor had promised Glory that as long as she is willing, she can work alongside with the other colleagues. If Glory would want to try something different, she could put her in other departments. Glory had originally planned to begin her summer research in June. Now everything is on hold. She wanted to tell them herself of the news. As we stepped out of the elevator, there was the doctor. I could tell she was holding back her tears when she heard the news. We did not say much. Yet we did not want to leave….and we carried on some small talks.

At the end of the day, those who have to go must go, those who have to say goodbye, must say goodbye.